I’ve received feedback from my tutor on Assignment 1 and am encouraged by the report.
The report is attached:
Ashley Lauryssen 1 Assignment Report
The comments were overall very positive. Where there was room for improvement, the comments were objective and justified. I am pleased that the shot of the girl framed between the two branches was liked as this was by far my favourite frame composition.
There was a comment that my actor was filmed in bed with her day clothes and hat still on. It is true that this particular actor does from time to time fall asleep in her clothes! My intention had been to make it seem that she had fallen asleep by mistake and her father comes in and pulls the cover over her. On reflection though, this adds an unnecessary factor into the story that detracts from the main storyline.
Most comments concerning improvement were concerning the last two shots. The lighting was not quite correct for a night time shot and there was too much of a delay whilst the father was pulling up the duvet to cover the girl.
There was an additional comment concerning the lack of sound. In fact there is sound, just very low. I had editing the sound with earphones on and having very sensitive hearing, I adjusted the sound to levels that which I am comfortable with – clearly this was too low. Some comments had been made on the blog to this effect also. It’s fair comment.
I decided to re-film the last two shots, taking into the account the comments made. I also re-adjusted the sound. The result is below:
Since the last two shots are now in the dark, with just a bedside lamp and hallway lighting providing the light the shot is much more noisy. I am undecided about shot 4, mainly because of the noise. I am happier with shot 5 as I managed to keep the girl in the frame for most of the shot but at the same time hide the phone behind the father until the last moment.
The other significant comment is that I need to start a Research tab to reflect the additional work that I am doing and the my responses to movies that I am watching. I have been reading about five different books concerned with film-making and will now start to consolidate what I am learning in my blog.
NOTE: The original video and accompanying notes are in the entry “Assignment 1”.
Congratulations on such brilliant feedback, I really enjoyed watching the film, I was so intrigued as to what Kestrel had found. At first I thought it was a wallet with money or something then when it was in a box I thought of an injured animal which also went with the title (nice work keeping the suspense going right up to the reveal) It was a great twist and the framing was all great. I really like the shot between the trees too and like your tutor said how Kestrel stands out from the background. It also has to be said where you live is absolutely beautiful!
Can’t wait to see your next work 😀 Good luck!
Thanks Chloe – I really value your comments so I’m delighted that you enjoyed it. We had a great time making the video. It was such a laugh when we did the shot in the park – I think we reshot it about 12 times because each time we started filming something would happen that disrupted the shoot – two ladies came by running, a motorbike roared passed a street up from us, the chap who delivers newspapers walked passed and started chatting and then the little 6 year girls want to play in the park – and they make a lot of noise. All we could do was laugh and wait – and eventually we managed to get a shot.
Not a day goes by where I don’t appreciate where we live – we are very fortunate to have found this place.
Awesome stuff Ashley, I really enjoyed watching the scene you shot. It really was a good example of building suspense, in that we didn’t get to see what the object was until the final frame.
I enjoyed reading also your tutor’s feedback and I can see exactly what has been pointed out. The shot between the two tree branches was indeed an interesting shot, and added some new flavour to the frame.
Peter
Thanks Peter for your comments. I really had a good time doing the assignment. Not sure my little actor did – no evidence of smile :-). The shot through the trees is my favourite – so thanks.
It was a relief that the feedback from my tutor was positive – it’s hard to tell exactly what’s expected when it’s the first assignment. I hope your goes well too.